Although when it came time to push I almost wanted to stop, to just go home and have things continue as is.Delivering a baby who makes no noise, no movement is so heart wrenching. The room was silent, there were tears and hugs and sobs, even from our dear doctor who had walked this journey with us.She was quiet, unsure, cautiously showing us body parts as if she didn’t want to say too much. We had never been through this appointment before but I knew.I squeezed Josh’s hand as hard as I could and prayed silently for God to make everything OK; I remember repeating that over and over. Peterson called us back to his office and as he walked in, God bless him, I could tell his heart was hurting.My heart broke that day and parts of it I have never gotten back. Feeling those contractions and pain were almost necessary.
We could have never guessed the storm that was about to hit. This was a complete shock and neither of us knew what to think or if we were even ready to be parents.
About a week before Cicely’s death I met with our dear Pastor Linda Harter who asked if I had prayed for God’s planning, God’s will for our life and for Cicely.
When I got past the anger and selfishness of what she was asking for me to pray, there was release of stress and emotion.
It was possible she may not even make it another week and if she did make it to full term she likely would die shortly after delivery.
The next few hours, days were a blur of visits, prayer warriors, Hershey Medical Center appointments, and the continuation of shock and disbelief that this was occurring.